Well, I have done it. I have set up a blog and started sharing my experience with the hopes that it will help in my recovery and help others that are struggling as well. The thought of sharing such intimate thoughts with others has my heart leaping out of my chest, although that is pretty much where it has been for four weeks and five days now. That is when I found out that my husband, my childhood sweetheart and the love of my life was having an affair.
Most days I think to myself, "He has lost his mind!" I really do believe this to be true. The fact that she is 17 years younger than him and that he admits that he doesn't love her, makes me think, mid-life crisis. I am not sure that this really matters to me or not. Most days I am aware that I have so many emotions swirling around that I cannot seem to put my finger on what I am feeling, except when anger shows its ugly face. The anger is the worst when the kids are concerned. It must be the "momma hen" that comes out. The reality of the situation is, he only has so much time to share. He barely had time before and now that "she" is in the picture, he has even less. So, who suffers? Who loses their time? The kids! This drives me crazy and my heart breaks for these girls. They are not use to having a "crazy" father. They had an awesome dad, until 4 weeks ago.
So what motivates me to get out of bed these days? Sometimes, nothing. I am still here and that is because I am turning to my Bible, my faith and my Lord Jesus. He is my new lover. Every night before I climb in our "marriage bed" I ask Jesus if we can go to bed now. I can see him lying next to me and on most nights, holding me as I cry. He is now my best friend, my confidant, my advisor, my guide and on most days I can feel him carrying me through the day, literally helping me to put one foot in front of the other. That is how I became crazy for Christ. I figure if I start tucking him at night I might have a REAL problem. :)
We were at church last Sunday and my 13 year old looks over at me worshipping and says, "Mom, you are so crazy." I answered, "crazy for Christ!" That is how our business started, those simple words and a longing for new beginnings.
My friend gave me this scripture and it is quite suitable for our, now, family of three.
"Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:12
No comments:
Post a Comment